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People Who Should Die In 2009

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The last week of the year always brings about glum recollections of all the wonderful folk who have passed away in the previous year. Hey, I’m guilty of this, too. It really puts a damper on any holiday festivities. Wouldn’t it be great that if, in the holidays of 2009, we managed to toast the Grim Reaper’s choices for the year? Sure, we’d all claim to miss the dead (because of the old taboo of speaking ill of the dead) but deep inside, we’d be all a-glow with warmth and cheer.

For more mortal fun, check out The Death List.

Topping the list is runaway winner of Maggots Should Eat Out His Eyes award goes to the dictator of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe. Do you think they’ll play this song at his death and dismemberment?

Next up, just for all of those in the UK, a special choice — Sir Jeffrey Archer. For those in America who aren’t aware of who Jeffrey Archer is, consider yourself lucky. He’s a total Berk. (Look it up). One of the celebritites I met when I lived in England was the guy who was the star witness in the perjury trial who put this bastard away for an unmercifully brief amount of time. I couldn’t actually bring it in myself to put a Jeffrey Archer clip on, so I have something much better — a segment from Room 101 with Kathy Burke and host Paul Merton from 2000:

And, finally, a guy who should have been been hung, drawn and quartered years ago, Pat Robertson. Wouldn’t it be great to toast the New Year drinking champagne out of his empty skull? It certainly would be an improvement to the poison that’s already in there:


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