YouTube Digger

There’s no reason to have a hatred of hate. If you deny hate a place in your life, it’ll never leave you alone. Hate can actually be a good thing (and not just for bloggers and talk-show radio hosts), provided you do three things:

• You use the hate to motivate a positive change in society
• You don’t do anything illegal
• You hate people based on their individual characteristics and not just for their appearance, gender or nationality. In other words, get to know someone before you can really hate them.

So, on that note, let’s look at people who really deserve our hatred and how we can use that hatred to better change society (or, at least better about ourselves by making fun of others.)

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“Vision is controlled hallucination” — Max Clowes

Vision is a tricky sense. According to my home state, I’m legally blind, so maybe my vision is trickier than most other people’s. I have monocular vision, which means that it is technically impossible for me to see in three dimensions (or, at least, that’s what they tell me).

I do remember all of those terrible times trying to walk up and down stairs because I could not see where I should put my feet. I usually just gave up walking and scooted on my hands and knees. However, at my advanced age, I can tell through color and shadow where my feet should go.

Although we filter light and color through our eyes, it’s our brains that actually do the seeing. The images our retinas project to our brains are all upside-down, but out brains easily switch things around. And this is where the fun begins, especially if you are digging around YouTube.
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Because you just can’t get enough change in your life, YouTube Digger presents the second installment of Some Change May Do You Good. That, and I forgot to add this classic video clip which I meant to add to Part one. It’s of Tony Blair murdering David Bowie, but, as “Graham Golden” points out, “Tony’s no stranger to murder”.:

Right — now that’s out of the way, let’s go on to the rest of this post and look more deeply into the ramifications and excitiations of change.
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I’m the latest in a long line of bloggers for YouTube Digger. When you agree to take on this blog, there are a few things you can’t tamper with from the previous bloggers’ administrations. One of which is that you can’t get rid of any categories established — even if you have no idea what those categories are suppoed to mean.

So, I’ve going down the category list to see which ones that need a new entry and I come to AMV. I’ve been scratching my head over what the heck AMV stands for. It must be short for something and not just a word pronounced “amvuh” or somthing like that. Perhaps it’s the official sound one makes when a pill scratches your throat. “AMV!!!”
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Last time on YouTube Digger, I did a post entitiled “Hackney Horse People Are Nuts” and now all I can think is:

Mmmm…..nuts!

Of course, there is a peanut butter product recall currently going on the United States, and that has driven my craving for peanut butter and peanut butter products through the freakin’ roof. There’s nothing like the government teling you “Don’t eat that” in order to really make you want to eat something. Especially since the government is paranoid about a few deaths from salmonella, while meanwhile, drunk driving fatalities…anyway, I think you know where I’m going with that.

So, in honour of nuts of all kinds, here’s a sampling of nut-related YouTube video clips. Enjoy.
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Yesterday, for another blog, I did a little book review of Life And How To Survive It by John Cleese and Robin Skynner (no relation to famous behaviorist BF Skinner). So, just out curiosity, I went to YouTube and stuck in the words “skinner” or “skynner” in the search feature and looked to see what came up.

This is always fun to do, especially if you are desperate to kill time in an entertaining way. Just stick any random word or word combination into the search feature at YouTube and see what weird and wacky stuff comes up.
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Let’s see — who can we offend today? Well, I’ve had a migraine this week, so I’m tired and need to find a group that offends easily. How about organized religion? Too easy of a target perhaps.

OK, Organized Religion, In the last coupe of years, there’s been a lot of flack from you about atheists and pagans. It seems that both groups have decided that they’d decide to speak up. Today, Organized Religion, let’s look at atheists.

It’s a beautiful day in your neighborhood, but you’re worried about atheists. Well, cheer up — because your neighborhood has always had atheists. Wacky Pagans, too. Both atheists and Pagans share a lot in common — generally, a common hatred of organized religion. It’s always good to know who the enemy is. And the sky has not fallen in the entire time that atheists have existed.
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Stupid week continues here on YouTube Digger, where you can feel a little better about yourself because you are not one of the people featured in these clips. No matter how screwed up of a day you are having, at least you’ve never been impaled by a Marlin. Hell, I once got framed for assault and had to spend a night in jail before charges were dropped — but at least I’ve never been impaled by a Marlin. (Not yet, anyway. Just my luck, Marlins will rain out of the sky over Philadelphia. And I don’t mean a sports team, either.)

Okay, enough with the intro and let’s make with the clips, already, Rena. Since we talked about Marlins impaling people, let’s show a clip, which is a recreation from The Learning Channel. Now, the Blue Marlin is fighting for it’s life, here, which is why it’s 450 pound body is flinging about. So, naturally, you want that big ass fish to come as close you as possible so you can have an excuse to get drunk. I don’t understand the attraction — I guess fishing rare big fish makes you feel better about your shortcomings in life.

The next clip is from “argamer” and is about the perils of ice fishing:

Now that you’ve recovered your breath (and changed your underwear), here’s the (silent) epic struggle of the old man and the sea, put up by “Slawterhd”:

It seems so silly to go messing with all of that bait and hooks and nets and things for a rare or endangered species (like most fish nowadays). Anyone who has watched Sesame Street learned all they needed to learn about fishing from Bert and Ernie. Thanks to “qbeam” for today’s lesson in how to catch a fish:

The human species is endlesly entertaining because it such a stupid species. Perhaps the most entertaining are the groups of thickheads I like to call Stupid Criminals. These are the people who spend hours or days figuring out how not to get a job. Granted, we live in desperate times with very high rates of unemployment, but there are more intelligent ways to survive (such as going dumpster diving). Then again, watching YouTube videos of people behaving logically just isn’t that much fun, is it?

So, here we go. Let’s start at a bank robbery in England. Be sure to have all your food or beverage swallowed before you watch so you don’t snort anything out of your nose (unless you’re making a clip for YouTube):

The next is a silent clip from an actual survelielance video of a robber having a very bad day:

Not all Christians are stupid, but the ones that are should be teased mercilessly and mocked with sarcastic YouTube videos. Even other Christians believe in that. How do I know? I used to be a Born-Again Christian for nearly 20 years before I grew up and realized that Christianity was not for me.

My parents are still Christian and I do not try to convert them to Paganism. I figure, it’s their business what they believe. Fortunately, they don’t try to bring me back to the fold. They also sometimes find really good Christian jokes, for which I will be eternally grateful. I tell them Paganism jokes, but they don’t seem to get the punchlines. Oh well.

Let me make clear that these are my views and not necessarily the views of 451 Press, the nice folks who host this blog and pay me to be snarky. These videos will most likley be offensive to some people. If you don’t want to be offended, see you tomorrow.

What makes a Christian stupid? One who believes in what they are told to do, even if their spiritual leaders are doing really dumb things. Also, stupid Christians do not have a sense of humor. That’s my definition. Your definition may be a little different.
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Last time on YouTube Digger, we looked at three of the notable females who passed away in the past year. As you’ve probably guessed from the title of this post, we are now going to look at three men who shuffled off this mortal coil in this past year. No offence to the spirits of all of the other men who’ve passed away in 2008 who I don’t mention. I just have enough room in the post for three. So there.

First up is Ellas Otha Bates, better known as Bo Diddley, who passed away on June 2 of this year. He was one of the most influential personas in pop music, so much so that he was nicknamed “The Originator”. Thankfully, unlike a lot of black musicians of the early twentieth century, Bo Diddley did receive the recognition he deserved. I always loved the square guitar.

Next up was a guy who I thought would live forever — Paul Newman. Although best known for being a movie actor (that’s always good for the career), he also managed to give a lot of money to charity through his unique food line and his daughter’s food line, Newman’s Organics. I never did understand his fascination for car racing, but then again, I’m not a guy. It’s hard to narrow down a celebrity’s life in just one YouTube clip, but perhaps this bit from “Cool Hand Luke” is as good as any. Paul Newman sings “Plastic Jesus”. I do not know who played the banjo:

And now, the death that I will never get over, that of legendary comic, truthteller and linguist, George Carlin. He had a real way of playing with words and getting into their true meanings that I will always admire. That, and no one else in the world could swear as humorously as he did. Not everything he did was funny, but most of it gave me a good laugh, even years later when I knew the punchline of the joke. As I was starting narrowing down this list to three, I at first completely forgot that George had died — because part of me still hopes that he’s alive. Here he is in a post put up by a fellow comedian, Boy Howdy. Appropriately, this bit is about death, done a couple of years ago:

My brother and his family live in Canada, so I have to send their Christmas gifts ages in advance. Now, one of my neices has her birthday on December 29th, so the package also has to include a birthday gift. Thankfully, my brother got the package on time. However, there was one tiny problem — I forgot to buy a Christmas gift for my brother and his wife. I’ve got a feeling this one is going on my tombstone.

At least this is better than the Christmas a few years ago when I was homless in England and has the crap beaten out of me by my boyfriend.

Before that, I worked retail. I can honestly say that working retail during Christmas season was less painful than getting beat up by my boyfriend.

In honor of the occasion, I’ve written a new Christmas carol. Everybody join in and spread the love:
I hate Christmas
I hate Christmas
I hate Christmas
Christmas really sucks
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Puns, shoes and mash-ups went flying all over the media this week as President Bush nearly got nailed by two loose loafers. Note that the Iranian leader wasn’t phased in the slightest. Sadly, the reporter who threw the shoes in protest was beaten considerably and his fate will most likely be covered up, but at least he has given us the defining moment of the Bush Lack-Of-Presidency.

Since you’ve probably seen the original 65 trillion times (and it just keeps getting funnier every single time, doesn’t it?) we’ll skip looking at the originals and jut go right to the mash-ups on YouTube. First off — the Austin Powers shoe throw:

Next up, the Matrix II: Piece of Shit version:

The Star Wars mix:

Sometimes, we all need some free advice in order to get through the day. It might not be good advice but at least it’s free. It used to be that you would write to the Advice Lady in the newspaper for this vital information, but now, all you have to do is enter a random keyword at YouTube and the advice world is your oyster. Today, we sort through some of the most practical advice about politics, religion, creativity and just about everything else on YouTube.

First up is from Stephen King (yes, THAT Stephen King) giving some incredibly valuble advice for anyone longing to one day get their novel published:

In case you’re wondering on why things are so screwed up and want to know who to blame and some other advice, here’s some advice from one of the most intelligent men alive, Christopher Hitchens:

Just in case you do wind up leading a major nation like the UK and have to speak to their Parliment, here is Prime Minister Gordon Brown advising us all what NOT to say in such a situation:

If you aren’t comfortable being yourself or have yet to find yourself, then heed the advice of doing impersonations and getting along with those you impersonate from Kevin Spacey on Enough Rope:

So concludes today’s lessons on Free Advice Friday. Join us for the next exciting chapter, same YouTube Digger time, same YouTube Digger channel.

One of the most unusal and animal-oriented YouTube series is Cute With Chris, which “explores the dark side of cute”. Orignally a show about showing pictures of fluffly kittens and cute puppies, it has morphed into it’s own brand of Internet snark that has more one-liners than a George Burns routine. Your magical mystery master is Chris Leavins, a reasonably successful Canadian actor who decided to seek fame and fortune in California. Well, at least he’s got the fame. He has viewers from all over the world from Asian gay bears (don’t ask) to teens.

WARNING: Cute With Chris contains strong language and toilet humor.

There have been nearly 200 webisodes made, but not all have been posted to YouTube. Apparently, they are still sitting in the antiquated Apple QuickTime on the blog of the same name. That doesn’t include all of the bonus videos or videos sent infrom viewers. If you don’t have time to plow through them all, here are three that pretty much captures the flavor of The Cult without having to heavily rely on inside jokes known only to avid Cult members.

First up, is a concise lesson about the difference between Canada and America, especially their kittens.